The weird state of Florida

Florida is one of those states that specializes in weird. I mean every state has its problems with drunken citizens causing mayhem in public places, but Florida always seems to take it beyond the level of simple bad behavior and turns it into something that makes you wonder if the state is inhabited by beings from a different planet. 

I’ve previously written about a 53-year old woman who was arrested last November in Lakeland, Florida while riding her horse down the highway with a blood-alcohol level that was twice the legal limit. She was reportedly weaving on and off the road as she rode her horse, Bo Duke, on the shoulder. She had been riding the horse for a distance of about ten miles before being stopped. I’m amazed that anyone that drunk could even get on a horse. I'm even more impressed that she could make the horse weave in and out of heavy traffic without being hit. My horse would have dumped me on the side of the road and gone home. 

During the same month, another Floridian was arrested in Port Saint Lucie for driving a riding lawnmower while drunk. The 56-year old man had a blood-alcohol level that was three times the legal limit, and he was carrying a case of Budweiser. I’m sure the beer was for a friend. Dilly, dilly. Police stopped him for erratic driving and noticed that a strong smell of alcohol was emitting from him. What do they mean by that? Just exactly how was the smell emitting? I’m guessing that the motor wasn’t still running while he was emitting these strong alcohol smells. 

A couple of years ago in October 2015, I wrote about a young fellow who tossed a 3.5-foot gator into a Wendy’s restaurant in Palm Beach County, Florida. I don’t know if alcohol was involved in this incident, but what else what else would prompt someone to throw an alligator through a drive-through window—I mean, other than mental illness. Was he expecting change? Maybe the employees at fast-food restaurants in Florida should have a box of lizards or snapping turtles they can give in exchange when someone gives them an alligator. It’s Florida, right? 

However, this month a new record for drunken absurdity was achieved when a 28-year old man in Spring Hill, Florida pulled up to a drive-through window at Bank of America and then promptly passed out. The bank manager reached out to the car and tapped on the young man’s window for a while until he woke up. Upon waking up, the man calmly placed an order for a burrito. 

Oh, come on. Who hasn’t accidentally tried to order a burrito at a bank-teller window in the middle of the day? I remember once being out late with a buddy who decided he needed a midnight snack before heading home. We drove up to a Jack In The Box window, and my friend tried to order an Egg McMuffin. Well, at least he didn’t try to throw an alligator through the window. 

In another story, a man in England called in a bomb threat to a pub to punish his wife for going out drinking while he was working. He was working two jobs to pay the bills, and she was out spending his money on booze. He called the bar she was drinking at twice to make bomb threats causing 130 people to be evacuated. The police quickly found him because he used his cell phone to make the calls. The man's name is Mo Ahmed.

I’m guessing he is originally from Florida.