Designer nipples

Entertainment world celebrities have long driven fashion trends in America. Whether it’s a style of hair, dress, or fitness, people will spend lots of their hard-earned cash to ape their favorite cultural icon. Celebrities themselves are not immune to this desire to appropriate the style of other celebrities. Witness Michael Jackson who had himself physically modified with specific attributes he admired in others. Of course, we all understood that Jackson was nuts.

Now, it seems that ordinary people are paying big bucks to plastic surgeons to copy a specific physical characteristic of a specific celebrity.  In this recent fashion trend, people are asking doctors to give them Kendall Jenner’s nipples.

Not being in tune with the Hollywood fashion world, I wasn’t sure who Kendall Jenner was. I recognized the last name as belonging to the Kardashian-Jenner clan of people with no obvious talent other than self-promotion but wasn’t clear on how she fits into it or what she did that was so important that people wanted her nipples. After I did a little research, I discovered that Kendall Jenner’s contributions to the entertainment world were stunningly uninspiring. She is a model and has appeared in many of her clan’s reality TV shows. 

I’m still not sure what the deal is with Kendall’s nipples. Apparently, they are often visible through her clothing. Reportedly, some women admire their pointiness and wish to achieve a similar look. Indeed. It just goes to show how little I know about this subject. I thought all nipples were pointy. Now I know better. I have now learned that some women suffer from underperforming nipples and that they get nipple envy.

Fortunately, there are plenty of plastic surgeons out there who are willing to help women overcome this serious social stigma. Surgeons can provide several different modifications to your pointy bits to meet your personal goals. They can change the shape, color, size, and pointiness of your nipples and areolas. The modifications aren’t permanent but last a couple of years which is way better than your standard BOTOX treatment that only lasts about four months. The cost depends on what you want done but starts at about $700.

Wow, that seems like a lot of money for something that a couple of ice cubes could do.

However, if you don’t want to shell out $700 every couple of years to stay abreast (get it?) of current fashions, you can go with a cheaper option. A company called, “Just Nips” will sell you a pair of nipples for $24.99. They can be used up to ten times, and they come in two sizes—cold and freezing. They have an adhesive backing that allows you to position them where needed.

I’m not sure how Kendall Jenner became the poster child for designer nipples. It seems to me lots of other celebrities frequently appear in public with visible headlamps. I’m wondering if there is a catalog that people can use. Categories could include regular, celebrity, and porn star. Maybe Kendall’s half-sister, Kim Kardashian should give up on the perfume business and launch a designer nipple line.

There is also the possibility someone will design a nipple that can be adjusted as needed. Settings would include lingerie, bikini, t-shirt, wool sweater, arctic parka, and fembot (for NRA activists). Nipple color could also be adjusted between pink, cocoa, and Rudolph. Settings could be changed by twisting the control nipple installed on either the right or left, depending on preferences.

Well, I suppose it could be worse. Instead of Kendall nipples, people could be trying to get Caitlyn nipples.